Is something wrong with me??? Have I lost compassion and other things like that??? I have stopped feeling bad and sorry for things these days. I wanted to blog on this from day one, but kept procrastinating. So, here I go….
Dad passed away on 28th December 2004. He had been admitted to a hospital on 8th December 2004 and was suffering from pneumonia in the chest. He was taken into the ICU, kept there for 2 days and was moved into a ward on 10th December. The only visible problem was that he had a back bedsore. I am sure no one dies from bed sore. The doctor had advised us for a CT Scan to be taken. We did that and found out that he had some infractions in the blood vessels in his brain and the doctor had told that he might live for days or max months… We were prepared actually. I think I was prepared a bit too much. Is it good or bad??? I have no idea!!
I was in the office on 28th morning. I remember having asked him if I can go and attend the office. He permitted me. I get a call by 12 that he wants to see me. I arrange for a cab and by the time I reach home, it was 2:15 PM. Dad passed away at 2:45 PM.
When I sit back and think about this, I can know that he loved me a lot. As a son, it is my duty to perform all his last rites and other stuff like that. I just did not feel like crying. I never cried those days till I performed his last rites. As per the priest, It is mandatory for the relatives to cry for sometime at least. I never even shed a single tear. On the contrary, I consoled my mom and sister and other relatives to be brave.
Another doctor had asked me to take my dad to a neurologist about 6 months b4 his death. I insisted on doing that, but my parents and sister were against me in that. Now, everything is gone. No need to worry about such things at all. Even now, I somehow don’t feel like being sad for his demise or sitting and crying regarding his demise. I continue to be the same person, as if his death did not have any effect on me. I had planned to join the bLogout too…
Now, the priest calls me up and informs me that the 6th monthly ceremonies are to be held on 21, 22 and 23rd June and I am not supposed to travel anywhere without completing that. I really am feeling bad now…. Not because my dad passed away, but because I am unable to join the bLogout. That would have been a very nice experience.
Actually, I feel very sorry if any animal is suffering or for a poor kid on the train who removes his shirt and wipes the entire compartment. If the same kid asks me money, I pay him. If he persists on me paying him more or if he goes and pesters someone else who obviously don’t want to pay him or who obviously are irritated by the happenings there, I feel bad again. If this kid is scolded by them, I scold this kid again and drive him away!!! Crazy isn’t it??? I should actually have scolded the people who scold this kid, but I end up scolding this kid. I am unable to understand that. I am compassionate one moment, the other moment, I have lost my compassion.
Tell me, have I lost compassion or my mind not to feel bad for my dad’s death??? I just cannot understand.
Dad passed away on 28th December 2004. He had been admitted to a hospital on 8th December 2004 and was suffering from pneumonia in the chest. He was taken into the ICU, kept there for 2 days and was moved into a ward on 10th December. The only visible problem was that he had a back bedsore. I am sure no one dies from bed sore. The doctor had advised us for a CT Scan to be taken. We did that and found out that he had some infractions in the blood vessels in his brain and the doctor had told that he might live for days or max months… We were prepared actually. I think I was prepared a bit too much. Is it good or bad??? I have no idea!!
I was in the office on 28th morning. I remember having asked him if I can go and attend the office. He permitted me. I get a call by 12 that he wants to see me. I arrange for a cab and by the time I reach home, it was 2:15 PM. Dad passed away at 2:45 PM.
When I sit back and think about this, I can know that he loved me a lot. As a son, it is my duty to perform all his last rites and other stuff like that. I just did not feel like crying. I never cried those days till I performed his last rites. As per the priest, It is mandatory for the relatives to cry for sometime at least. I never even shed a single tear. On the contrary, I consoled my mom and sister and other relatives to be brave.
Another doctor had asked me to take my dad to a neurologist about 6 months b4 his death. I insisted on doing that, but my parents and sister were against me in that. Now, everything is gone. No need to worry about such things at all. Even now, I somehow don’t feel like being sad for his demise or sitting and crying regarding his demise. I continue to be the same person, as if his death did not have any effect on me. I had planned to join the bLogout too…
Now, the priest calls me up and informs me that the 6th monthly ceremonies are to be held on 21, 22 and 23rd June and I am not supposed to travel anywhere without completing that. I really am feeling bad now…. Not because my dad passed away, but because I am unable to join the bLogout. That would have been a very nice experience.
Actually, I feel very sorry if any animal is suffering or for a poor kid on the train who removes his shirt and wipes the entire compartment. If the same kid asks me money, I pay him. If he persists on me paying him more or if he goes and pesters someone else who obviously don’t want to pay him or who obviously are irritated by the happenings there, I feel bad again. If this kid is scolded by them, I scold this kid again and drive him away!!! Crazy isn’t it??? I should actually have scolded the people who scold this kid, but I end up scolding this kid. I am unable to understand that. I am compassionate one moment, the other moment, I have lost my compassion.
Tell me, have I lost compassion or my mind not to feel bad for my dad’s death??? I just cannot understand.
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