Relationships (2)

In continuance of my previous post "Relationships", I got a huge comment from a friend of mine (Sudheer) which I did not publish coz I wanted the same to come as a blogpost. So, here goes. First the comment and then, my views on the same:

Hey suksi,

Liked ur interpretation on relationships and memories and the corresponding pain that follows as a natural corollary...

I feel that it is in our very basic desires that make us choose people as either our friends or hubby's

let me explain:

If " I " as a person likes biking " I " will go in search of people who do biking and try to build a relation so that " I "can get some one to understand 'my' thoughts or try find one who becomes a medium of expression for " Me ", a thought which gives " Me " pleasure and not that the other person likes biking or birding.

It is here where " expectations" start building up - like " I " would have a particular way of shifting gears and once someone becomes a friend " I " would start "expecting " that he shift gears like " I " do or that 'my' line of thought should more or less become his thinking.

If this does not happen or if he starts to put his interpretation to a particular event in his way.. " I " get hurt or " I "start disliking him.. not because he said what he felt but because he did not say what " I " was feeling.

We always try to host an image of ourselves in different people and like only those who cater to such " self hosting ".
which brings us to the ultimate truth of

" We love no one but ourselves "

Just because " I " see what " I " want what " I " like what keeps 'me' happy in many people in bits and pieces " I " imagine to have a relationship.

And when such relationships break.. We get hurt.. It pains.. and we feel sorry not because we lost a friend but because we lost a " host " to our feelings/wants/desires...

This becomes more aggravated when one looses a girlfriend.. not because that we will no longer see her smile or listen to her talks etc... but because no longer " I " will be able to kiss her, " I " could f*** her, " I " will be able to fondle her t***, " I " will get a consoling talk and " I " " I " " I " " I " " I " ...... goes on an on and on...

What do you say...

Well, here's what I say my dear friend..

First of all, thank you for taking the time off to read my blog in your busy schedule and give such a huge and wonderful comment on the same.

Next, I'd say that you are a bit confused as to where friendship ends, where love ends and where lust happens. Also, not all relationships of a boy/girl friend would be related to sex or making love or having lusty thoughts in their minds.

I have a few female friends of mine whom I address as "honey", "sweetheart" and "darling".. that does not mean whatsoever that I am in love with them or they are in love with me, or that I have lusty thoughts in my mind about them. I also know a lot of boy/girls who are boy/girl friends of various other people and they got physically intimate only after a couple of years into the relationship. I also know a few people who have only lust in their minds and would never enter a relationship unless they are forced to do so!

And I do not understand the use of * there in the comment.. why could you not mention the words as they are used normally?? Are you thinking what people might feel if they came to know that you had given such comments??? I'm sure, you would not say w***r for water or w**e for wine right???

Yeah, it is true... Everyone lives as per their own whims and fancies.. and everyone loves to have their own reasons for either being in a relationship or being out of one. A few people get into a relationship for fun, a few others get into one without knowing what they are doing, a few others are pretty serious abt their relationships, a few more are in a relationship coz someone has forced them to be in, a few others will get to know that they are in a relationship only when it is too late for them to come out of it, and they refrain from coming out of the same coz they have a constant fear towards CHANGE!

Again, this "I" is nothing but the EGO that speaks. How many people do you think would agree that they have an EGO which controls them? If you know any, tell them that they are EGOISTIC and SELFISH, they would retaliate mentioning that they do not have EGO.  WTF do people consider EGO as bad?? I have no idea whatsoever.

I agree that I am EGOISTIC and in fact, that is the headline of my orkut profile too. I'd say that if I don't know how to love myself, I will never be able to love others or hate others or even hate myself for my shortcomings.

Again, the most important aspect in any human interactions is TRUST! If two people have TRUST in each other about each other, it is better than being in any kind of relationship.