Suksy's Pensieve

It is quite some time since I had a new post at my blog. Almost a week I must admit. I was quite busy all these days. I renamed my blog from "Suksy's pages" to "Suksy's Blabberings". I am feeling low as usual today!!! This feeling is so common now-a-days that I feel that it is just usual for me to feel depressed. Depression, for me, often results in getting negative thoughts and that leads to dangerous situations. I either feel like hurting myself or hurting someone else. I really know that I am a psycho. A discussion with a psychiatrist gave me amazing info.. he said that it was just common for him to feel depressed too... and it is just a normal feeling in life. Amazing I tell you... even the psychiatrist is a psycho *Wink* Even he gets depressed occasionally *Smile* It is not that he should not feel depressed at all, but just that the way he told me was funny. He said that it is absolutely normal for me to feel depressed very often. Did he ever consider t...

I'm back after a 3 day break... 3 days of sitting in front of the pyre and doing some yagnas or arghyas. The first day and today morning, the duration of the yagnas and arghyas were less. Yesterday, I had to apply leave from the office for this sake. I had to sit for abt 3 hours in front of the fire place... the HomKund. What's worse is that I missed the Honnemardu Trip. Around 2000/- bucks for a trip is damn cool, esp when it is with ppl whom you don't know much and it is also to a water place... I can never stop cursing the purohit for telling the final dates to me only a week b4 the actual event and also only a day after I had confirmed my presence for the Trip to Anita . Anita sent me a mail that morning giving her a/c details for the funds to be transferred to and I got to know this. All these days, I was wondering what Anita would have thought of me. Though I was well able to attend the trip and pay her the money, it so happened that due to this, I could not attend t...

I had mentioned here that I use the office as my refuge more often than nought. I just felt like elaborating a bit on this. I leave my house by 06:50 everyday to reach the office by 08:10 (which means an hour and 20 mins of travel at a time where there is not much traffic on Bangalore Roads). I start working by 8:15. I don't go for breakfast normally. I have an early lunch by 12:15. I don't consume coffee/tea or any such drinks made from milk. I normally work till 17:10, then leave the work station towards the bus which leaves by 17:25. There are two buses towards my house which leave at that time. The first bus to leave would be by 17:25 and the other one by 17:26, a minutes difference (4 buses leave after the first bus and only then the second bus leaves). The first bus takes a much longer route through Majestic, Malleswaram and then reaches my stop(the last stop, from there, I have to walk for abt a kilometer) by 18:55. The second bus, though takes a shorter route through So...

Finally, got some work. The latest test cycle came out. Now, we have some work, a few test cases to test and execute. Else, everything is fine. Been quite buzy of late, from the past two days. Hence, no updates. Was feeling bugged the last month completely without work... Now, things are going on in a good pace. Let us see till when this continues... I don't like being jobless... :)) I don't think I have left any online game left untouched. But, now, no more online games :) Work calls.....

I somehow dislike the feeling that I get if a couple of more people come to our house. I might be speaking to them normally from quite sometime, but all of a sudden, I feel that it is a pain to speak to them. It so happened that a group of cousins, who are pretty close to me, came home all of a sudden unannounced. I spoke to them for 5 mins….. then, I din’t feel like speaking and just walked out. I spent the rest of the day outside the house, but going nowhere. I was just sitting on the compound wall or walking in our street. GOK what they might have thought of me!!! As if I care about what they might think of me!!!! I normally speak to all of these cousins individually. I dunno what came over me that day. I can never forget the next few days when my mom scolded me, when my sis scolded me. Those days, Dad was alive. Even he felt bad. He told me that I need to be better in PR. I am pretty good at that. I always end up fighting with people who are good and close to me. I’ve fought ‘n’ nu...

Is something wrong with me??? Have I lost compassion and other things like that??? I have stopped feeling bad and sorry for things these days. I wanted to blog on this from day one, but kept procrastinating. So, here I go…. Dad passed away on 28th December 2004. He had been admitted to a hospital on 8th December 2004 and was suffering from pneumonia in the chest. He was taken into the ICU, kept there for 2 days and was moved into a ward on 10th December. The only visible problem was that he had a back bedsore. I am sure no one dies from bed sore. The doctor had advised us for a CT Scan to be taken. We did that and found out that he had some infractions in the blood vessels in his brain and the doctor had told that he might live for days or max months… We were prepared actually. I think I was prepared a bit too much. Is it good or bad??? I have no idea!! I was in the office on 28th morning. I remember having asked him if I can go and attend the office. He permitted me. I get a call by 1...

Yesterday, Mom came back from Mysore. For the previous two weeks, I was alone. I am a kind of person who enjoys being alone. I think that there is a great deal of independency being alone. I also feel that the amount of responsibility that you have when you are alone will not continue if you have a family. Of course, the responsibility when you have a family will be different, but you somehow lose your independence. I went through a mixture of emotions yesterday morning when my mom called me to tell me that she’s on her way here. What happened actually was….. I received a call by 08:30 from my sister telling me that Mom would be coming by 15th or so. Even Mom told me the same. I was extremely happy that I could spend one more week alone…. Enjoying life and leaving the office late, coming back on time, taking a few risks or venturing into new horizons by going to the office through different areas and different buses than the same old one. By 13:15, I again receive a call instructing th...

I got Book tagged by Shrikanth . This meme started with Yazad's place, I checked this Book Tag thing today on Amit's Blog. So, Here I go.... Total number of books I own: More than 300 Last Book I Bought: Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) Last Book I read: Straight from the Gut (Jack Welch) Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me: 1. Muslim (Kannada by Ravi Belegare): Probably the best analysis I’ve ever got to read about the Culture, Tradition and practices of the Muslims of Afghanistan. Though many people feel that by the name, this book is something like an insight into the entire religion, this book is all about the Afghan War and the struggle of the Muslims in that country. 2. The Himalayan Blunder (by Col. John P. Dalvi): This Book is an insight into India’s worst war defeat. This book provides a detailed description of the politician’s apathy towards the defense personnel and the red-tapeness of the Govt. of India under Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru. Reading of this book was one of the best t...

A truly enjoyable story, Got this as an email on the boss's day (yesterday). It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk. Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken" Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you" Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more". Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed" Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great Claws cannot fix complicated watches" Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed" The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun. Wolf: ...

Doesn't the title sound like Log out??? or Blog??? Actually, it is both. It is just Log out of your Blog and join the Bloggers Outing! This is the next stage of the Bangalore Bloggers Meeting. I got to know abt this through the blog of Anita. This outing is scheduled to be held during the weekend of 18th-19th June and it is planned at honnemardu . I had heard of this place earlier. This place is just too good. It is near Shimoga (less than 100 kms from Shimoga). I'm hoping that I'll be able to join this and have a blast.

I was going through this article . This article claims that Bangalore needs more underpasses and flyovers because of the ever increasing traffic in our city. I had read somewhere earlier (sorry, ‘m unable to recollect where) that Bangalore is either the fastest growing city or one in the top 3 fastest growing cities in India. The density of traffic in Bangalore is highest in India. This article gives some nice statistics like more than 200 new vehicles being registered daily in Bangalore and that nearly 2.5 million vehicles are plying the roads in Bangalore. One might not realize that though these are only figures, the actuality is much worse. 2.5 million vehicles plying on a city which is less than 30 kms in diameter!!! I read in the hard copy of the Times of India (Bangalore Edition) that there are 3500 kms of roads in Bangalore (including the cross roads). This was mentioned in the article which gave reasons for terrible traffic during the rains. The reason was that there are drains...

I was going through my earlier posts. If the post is a smaller one, I noticed that whatever I wanted to convey has been conveyed. If the post is a larger one, the ideas with which I start are not the same ideas with which I end my post with. I might have started to tell about a traffic jam, but ended up telling more about the employees of Infy and their apathy towards the drivers and went on to sympathize with the drivers. I have consulted my friends/relatives/colleagues for suggestions and ideas to avoid this. I'm keeping my fingers crossed... Let's c.

I just cannot believe myself. I got my first appreciation mail. I was bugging a colleague (actually, a Team Lead of some other Team) to give me some work when she suggested me to do an analysis. I did that analysis. She asked me to send it across to all the other pod leads. I sent the same with a copy to my manager. She appreciated my efforts. Now, 'm feeling on top of the world!

A friend of mine gave me this wonderful link . I had tried to undergo counselling earlier. Till date, none of my friends/colleagues/relatives have been able to get to know about my psychology. But, it is just amazing that this link pointed it out in a matter of 5 seconds. WOW!!!

Last evening, I had a terrible time traveling. I never had even imagined that I would take more than 2 hours to travel back home. It was raining heavily by 17:15 and for that reason, to avoid the rain, I left by 19:15. It is hard to believe for me even now that I reached home by 22:45. 3 ½ hours traveling a distance of 25 odd kms!!! I cursed myself for having left by the 19:15 bus. Normally, I leave by the 17:15 Bus or the 20:15 Bus or the 22:45 Cab. I think, If I had left by the 22:45 Cab, I would have reached home by 23:30 or 23:45 max. I also would have had fun interacting with the other ppl in the cab and the driver. This driver is a friend of mine. I have traveled with him for quite some time… more than a year and half. I tried to keep progress of the movement of the traffic. Our bus was moving so slowly that almost all of us felt like being rocked in a cradle and were lulled to sleep by the traffic. When I awoke, it was 20:30 and the bus was at a point called “Kudlu Gate” which i...

Is it mandatory that we post only paragraphs or huge posts? I always keep thinking that I'll create a post (atleast one post per day.... that is my aim). I end up procastinating this thing and I'll not be posting anything for that day. It has happened many times for me and it continues to happpen :-)